I am sitting in front of the manager’s desk.
I guess that’s the first time I looked at a person furious with anger.
“Don’t give me such reason that I do not know any shit about this job!” I kept on. “You asked me if I’m willing to be trained. I said ‘Yes’, didn’t I?!
And that exchange glances make a little bit tougher.
“Of course!” the pieces of sweat on his forehead makes more visual in that air-conditioned room. “As I was saying, I really consider such intellect you have. But we’re looking for someone…I’m sorry!”
Then I remember a glimpse of a bitch – an old bastard – a traitor – a man of valor – even a conceited wealthy woman.
But I think we understand each other. He is just sorting those are “deserving” and I’m just desperately needing a job.
I didn’t even finish high school.
I live in south area along with my family. Tatang Geraldo sells toys and stuff at the plaza. Sometime he works in the market as a part-timer. His wife bums in the house everyday. Seven of us take one at a time to go to school. Ate Consuelo, being the eldest had that opportunity first.
I was four when I was bothered about my parents quarrel every night. Ate Agatha will pull me back to bed and whisper “Get back to sleep, Thea”. But I am like, “Why Nanay and Tatang always fight?” She will just hug me and I never get answers.
One year later, I saw mother’s side of that opened cabinet with just nothing. Kuya Nilo is sobbing. I asked why. But that sobs had just reached one note higher.
I went out and everyone took its place to somewhat a vigil. I walked at the pozo where father is. He is not pulling water from it, but holds the handle…so hard. Then I saw Nanang walking afar – with another man.
She did nothing but to scold us, watch and lye. She gets the latest gossip from the neighbors capable of doing such like her. She gets most of Tatangs money and complains.
That wicked son of a bitch has the nerve to leave us? I want to shout it at the top of my lungs.
“ Tang…”
I felt my father to that embrace.
No tears.
Dauntless heart.
But life goes on without that woman – even happier. Three of us left in the house and go for a walk almost every afternoon. Passing by at a big house three blocks away from home, I paused to observe the boy about my age playing in the swing.
“Thea…”
Together with Ate Agatha, we glance at that sight.
One afternoon, they are feverishly calling me as soon as I finish the dishes. Reaching our little backyard, I become so delighted to see the duyan.
He would swing me everyday while Ate Agatha sings. Play time would be more exciting when Tatang with his tenor laugh comes early.
My other siblings don’t show concerns in school because they are busy helping Tatang. Though being the youngest, I went to school when I was seven.
Tatang got hired as a messenger at the municipal hall with the help of Mr. Serapio – the town’s engineer. The most irritating part, he became a drunkard. He manages to be a good provider though. He is a man of valor and principle. Amidst of my second year, my father died of lung cancer. Mr. Serapio is so kind to shoulder my father’s burial.
On the last night of my father’s burial, a woman in all black suit runs near the coffin. She’s crying so hard and shouting my father’s name. She has a some bruises and some scars on her cheeks and nape. She turns to us and neither of us comes.
“My children…” she chuckles. “Oh my, please forgive me. I… I’m so sorry!”
Mr. Serapio hired Ate Consuelo as a telephone operator on his office. I’m proud to say that she finished her secretarial course.
What concerns me is Ate Agatha. She never talks to anyone and doesn’t like being to. My heart breaks even more when my dearest Kuya Nilo ran away. We never heard of him ever since.
I went to Manila
I began to help Mang Delfin. Sixty-two year old widower. He feeds 12 heads including his and earns eighty pesos a night being a cook. He’s waggish, except, he reminds me more of Tatang being an alcoholic.
One night, I was stuck in a crowd that cheers me to sing. In a split, I am. I may not be good as Ate Agatha, but I’m sure, I’m not a monotone. That opens a new career. I send some money to the province. There was this night when Mang Delfin was really drunk. The bar was closed and it was the only two of us left in that cozy kitchen. In my astonishment, he grips, hugs and kisses me. I push him and kick his dick! I run. Nowhere to, but I went out.
The next night, I have come back for my job, perhaps to get my things. I fooled the owner that I was with a friend. As I am chopping onions, the owner called. Instead of him, the cook is shouting at my face.
“Why do you have to put too much handful of labuyo on it?”
I ran to the quarters as soon as I heard “get your ass out of here, freak!” from the owner’s
On my way out, Mang Delfin whispered, “I’m sorry”
I cannot look at his grimy face.
You attempt to rape me, did a silly thing and put the blame on me. “Bless you”
I went out and just walked. For five days and four nights, I had my ultimate hike. Finally, I saw a mini carinderia that says: Wanted Cook, that seems written in bold, gold letter as I see it. I went in, they examined. I cooked a delicious dish. I got hired.
Sometimes, I work as a part-time waitress during my off. For a half year, it’s that hard, but I’m happy working, earn and save some, capable of sending from the province and I’m happy.
For one particular morning, Mrs. Guada’s yell, the resto’s owner wakes me. She is looking for her pair of pierce. She lets our bags out. Though I was confident to bring mine out, I don’t know why I’m nervous. And that’s it! The pierce walked into my things. Definitely, I got fired.
A week passed, missing my old routine, I went back to the carinderia. I saw Amanda and one unfamiliar face. Maybe that over powdered woman is not in, so I approached Amanda.
“Hey! How is it going? Where’s Dely?” I ask.
“Well, just fine. Know what, after minutes you’ve left, Dely brought a friend and was immediately been hired. And your good old friend is in the kitchen”, pointing her thumb in the kitchen.
I saw Dely cleaning a table after some customer dined. She went to the kitchen, asked my name and we easily get acquainted. She said she was just been hired four days ahead of me. Sometimes she would help me in the kitchen.
Goodness! I taught Dely about cooking.
Well, Amanda is probably making a point as I watch Dely and that bowl of soup on a tray, serving Mr. Ingrid -- my regular customer.
From the comfort room, the owner puts that angry face upon finally seeing me. Now, she’s shouting for the benefit of the whole street.
“What are you doing here? I will call the cops. Get off you miserable thief!”
Dely is approaching her, calming her down, suggesting her in and she could handle it. She heads towards me.
“Thea, please… I’m sorry…” she bows her head.
You betrayed me, took my job and… “Thank you”.
I keep my posture as I walk on the street. “I won’t give you the pleasure”
A turquoise navigator is rushing on. And I just know, that that horn is for me. I half smiled upon seeing Mr. Ingrid. I took a half left turn. He brought that front window down upon reaching the car beside me.
“Hop on, Thea” he burst it with a positive smile. I maybe taught Dely to cook, but not the thing I had learned from the old bastard. “You’ll make a fine cook”.
As I stepped down to his garage, I feel quite hesitant and proud. A prominent person drove me. It’s one hell of a ride. I walk placidly in the house, as I am stepping in a hallo ground. I had never seen such wealth before. Not even Mr. Serapio’s and the house I had paused on during the walk I had with my dearest siblings.
He introduces me as everyone gathers on a single file. I never felt such importance before. I kinda miss his wife and daughter. He talks so much of them when he dines to that good for nothing resto. Manang Oreng voluntarily told me the things I’m eager about as we go upstairs. She said that he’s a widower for the past ten years. Martha, his unica ija abroad is bound to marry a businessman like him next year. But she doesn’t know when she will come back from Nevada
“Here’s your room!” I like the sound of that 53 year old maid.
Holy shit!
Seven of us slept on a 6 feet long 4 feet wide papag. And now, I’m standing at the bottom of a queen-sized bed. She could’ve been mistaken. She said that it is the room of Ma’am Martha when she moved beside her father’s after a week Ma’am Candice died.
Skeptic I am. Why not with the “others” – at the quarters, of course! This is a lot for just me!
“I thought I’m here to cook for Sir Fernando?” I can’t help to ask.
She left me a queer “I am just following orders, ma’am!”
You know what? Man, I can’t sleep.
The next day, I am cooking breakfast for the man I owe the most. He halts me with favors – all on to my favor!
“Join me in breakfast, my child!”
From that day, he forbids me to do chores, only when I have to help some of the maids (he has more than a dozen, I doubt it!). But I still cook. I can’t help it. It’s somewhat a passion.
Days passed, I found myself invading the library. I read everything I please, from essay, to novels and even textbooks. Finally, I start answering workbooks. He told me to go to school next year. I certainly like it…I love it!
At times, he would ask me to go to his office. Glenda, his secretary is really fun. She’s five years older than me and sinking me to liberality. I always watch her work. Naturally eager, I mistakenly stroke a key on the thing she called computer. I throb upon seeing her anxious about it. But she managed to resolve it, though. That’s the first time I said sorry. The next time I go with Tito Fernan, I managed not to touch even a single staple.
Glenda asks me to come forth. I am sitting in front of that machine and having a lecture from her. At first, I though it’s just a bit typing and simple click. And it is, after I had learned to operate such an idiot board! One strike and it would do as I command. I would much like to dare Ate Consuelo to a speed typing contest.
A time during summer, Martha comes home with her fiancé. I am excited to meet my cousin, I suppose. Tito Fernan introduced me with the same feeling – I felt it. But she’s more than a snob which I have never thought about.
“Niece?! What, a half daughter of Uncle Frank or Aunt Farah, may be? I don’t remember a cousin except for those wearing clogs!”
I realize what she meant on her welcome party passed a week after she arrived. I admire her. The posture, the way she dresses and the way she talks. Only for a thing – that fake grin. She wears it as that genuine. The mere thing I could be proud of, I am a couple of inches taller.
You bet I look like a princess hugging my voluptuous body, didn’t you?
Naaah! I’m in her old room reading Stephen King’s Different Seasons with DVD on.
“Why are you not out?” it’s Aldrich, Martha’s fiancé.
I’m in. “Just dealing with some important matters”, I mean it.
“Is this occasion not important to you?”
YES! “Of course not! It’s just that…..”
“You’ve been away for quite some time, sweetheart”. Martha uttered.
She stepped in the kitchen where we are while I was just taking a glass of water. She looked at me in an irrational manner.
I never thought that she’s so fucking brat when Manang Oreng led me to another room (as good as her’s actually) with my stuff.
“I want my old room, Dad!”
Eat it … it’s not mine in the first place!
I voluntarily help on the chores. The thing is, I’m like that idiot board following orders from her. Uh! Fate throws back a mean thing!
One thing I miss about Tito Fernan is his laugh in our gaiety. He is like Tatang, only dressed in a suit. Every time we’re together, Martha stared from afar which, even a painter couldn’t express.
I passed the acceleration test in a fine school. But Sir Fernan is thinking of a more reputable school. I intended to refuse.
“I don’t need an expensive school to learn, Sir”, I reasoned.
“What happened to ‘Tito Fernan’? It is much better!” leaving me with Glenda.
Playing chess with Mang Doro, Sir Fernan’s driver becomes a habit. Aldrich came and challenged whoever wins. I won, so we play. At just about that laugh when I have him check-mate, a hand come across the board and the pieces scattered. And that steel hand harshly touched my face!
“Martha!” Sir Fernan at the front door
“What has gotten to you, woman?” it’s Aldrich.
In a split, she’s crying. “You had stolen my father and now my boyfriend! Who else, bitch?!”
That last word gongs my eardrum.
It is the first time I was physically harmed. Also the first time somebody did me a mean thing, and she’s not sorry!
“Thea … Thea wait!” the good old man runs after me and seizes me.
“Daddy! What?! I can’t believe this!” Martha runs after her dad.
Ignoring her, he focuses on me. “Thea, you don’t have to go. We’ll fix this, promise.”
“You have been so kind, Sir.” I’m holding my tears. “And I’m grateful.” I tried to smile as sweet as I can.
Without a single word, he hugged me. I feel him too just like Tatang when the real bitch left!
“I’m so glad you came, Thea. A daughter I wish I had!”
“Daddy!”
“Thank you, Thea” he holds my hand.” I’m really sorry … “
And that’s the first time I saw a man with tears. But I’ve got a lot more reason to cry. A man of valor is sorry for somebody else’s fault.
I dare that stare of Martha. I made everyone happy in your life. Why couldn’t you?!
The last thing I could think of is Glenda. She welcomed me to her home. I told her what happened and plead her not to tell her boss that I’m with her. She has a good home. I never let myself a problem. In fact, the most cheerful daughter she has is Lorena – the crippled. I’m glad that I kept that home during my stay.
I run my fingers to classified ads every now and then. Months passed, still no response. One thing is ironic. I got to peep some of my exams and I did pass. But no one would like to hire me. Is it because of my one piece resume? Or I am a daughter of a bitch and a drunkard?
But I never stopped.
Until one day, someone called. I took the exam the day I had been told and after two days, I’m in for a final interview.
The room is about 52 meters big. It has a mini-uncovered leather sofa set, parallel to that round table upon entering the door at my back. Everything is arranged chronologically on its designations. There are several frames hanging at the wall. But that “don’t quit” at the top of the desk caught my attention.
I end up panning in a medium sized marble, carefully engraved the name of: Mr. Dominador Buencamino in italics. At the bottom, ‘manager’ in bold letters. As I glace at the swivel chair in front of me, I wonder the feeling of that person by just sitting in it.
Big.
Firm.
Authoritative.
I sigh as I glance at my resume.
“Job opportunities” I read, flipping back the transparent file-folder I hold. It goes: Bizarre Maker Advertising Group of Company is looking for qualified candidate to fill in various positions. The positions available are front desk supervisor, down to customer service personnel.
I have no intentions of ignoring the others in general qualifications, but as I see it, “Graduate of any four year course” is pretty much bolder than the “job opportunities”.
Ignoring the two chairs in front of each other, for others like me, I suppose, I pulled the swivel chair beside the round table without hesitations (there’s no one in there to be hesitant with in the first place). It’s not that I like it, but I want to be in front of the person concerning my application.
The air-conditioner makes me chill. The clock’s ticking makes me an extra nervous. Finally, I stood as someone opens the door. He never smiles.
Well, I greeted him with a pleasant “Good morning, Sir” I shook hands with him. He looks at me nods. He runs to my resume.
“How old are you, Ms. dela Cruz?”
“Twenty years old, Sir.”
“You didn’t seem to finish the secondary level…”
I cook. Enough for an old bastard to be teased – envied by a traitor – made a business man happy – and let a beautiful wealthy woman insecure.
“Yes, Sir!”
“Well, as far as it concerns, do you have any failing grades?” he leans back.
“Mind if I ask you, Sir?” I uttered.
“Of course not…” now, he’s playing with the pen.
“If it is so, would it be a basis of my capacity?”
No reply. He stares at me. He sits straighter than when he rushed to my resume. His pen is now bridging both of his half close fists.
“Very well!” he clears his throat – he seems conscious to his next line. “You’re single and without any experience about this job?”
I half smiled and nod. Why do people sometimes ask or just say what was obviously been written? The following he asked me are the ones that I’m capable of saying “No, Sir”
Silence.
“You know Ms. dela Cruz, this is a very distinctive firm…” And I know it from the very first thing I had cut-out that ad. “Okay! I would just let you know through my secretary if there is some … something prior to your resume. Thank you for spending time and effort.”
I don’t even have a high school diploma – you must be kidding!
“That wouldn’t be necessary, Sir. Thank you.”
Stun. His eyes turned to a somewhat mercy.
“Look Ms. dela Cruz, I’m about to consider such…”
“Did I pass the exam, Sir?”
I don’t need that goddamn mercy. I have a lot way back.
He sighs. Swallowed. I’m deeply amazed of how he does all of the things with elegance. He gaze at me and finally whispered “YES!”
“Then why?” I’m waiting for some unspoken matters (of which I certainly don’t like to hear. I just really don’t know why I asked it anyway!). The situation finally turned my eyes red.
I guess that’s the first time I looked at a person furious with anger.
“Don’t give me such reason that I do not know any shit about this job!” I kept on. “You asked me if I’m willing to be trained. I said ‘Yes’, didn’t I?!
And that exchange glances make a little bit tougher.
“Of course!” the pieces of sweat at his forehead makes more visual in that air-conditioned room. “As I was saying, I really consider such intellect you have. But we’re looking for someone…I’m sorry!”
Then I remember a glimpse of a bitch – an old bastard – a traitor – a man of valor – even a conceited wealthy woman.
But I think we understand each other. He is just sorting those are “deserving” and I’m just desperately needing a job.
“It’s just this. We have certain qualifications for a certain position and who could ever disregard it? I mean…”
“I thought you’re the manager!”
And for again, silence.
Perhaps he just doesn’t know what to say. And I am waiting for at least a consideration than a denouncement.
“I’m just asking a little time to think this over. I’m really sorry about this!”
I even gaze at him with mere seriousness. I didn’t move at my chair!
“I am not leaving until you say I could start to train or not! And people…” I guess a tear fell of my left cheek. “People are sorry because they are ashamed of what they do!”
I don’t know what pushed me to do so. Perhaps, you could guess.
The next thing I know, I’m editing a copy from the “new ones”. It seems that only yesterday when I heard Mr. Buencamino’s reply when I am not moving on that chair.
“I want to see that expressive eyes in Mr. Deogracia’s room on Monday, 8 in the morning”.
And who could ever forget that pearly white teeth upon reaching my hand three years ago. I wanted to hug him at that moment, but I don’t want to over react!
I was engaged on a project that took a half year in the making. Conceptualizing a logo and a slogan would be a work in the park. But composing jingles?! Yeah, I sing, but I didn’t make those lines. I don’t know how I did it and now, I can’t resist to sing whenever I hear it. And I’m like receiving my first cheque (excluding my salary) in six figures. I was then, elevated.
But that’s not the big present I have during my Christmas break.
I caught a girl, maybe 5 years of age smiling at me. I found no reason not to reciprocate it. And I just found myself walking towards her. That exchange smile I really cannot forget.
“Hi!”
“She broke her arm!” she’s pertaining to the doll.
I fixed it. Just a woman of maybe 3 years older than me called her “Sarah!” We both look up. A man with his moustache shaved with a big tummy is beside her. And I never had a big gape before.
It’s the child who sobs near me when his mother walked away. The child I am walking with in the afternoon. I miss my duyan. And that would be the tightest hug I’ve ever had.
“Kuya Nilo!”
“You’ve grown so beautiful, Thea. You're so beautiful that I didn’t even imagine!”
After introducing his family and shed those tears, I went back in line, impatiently waiting for my turn.
“How many?” the teller asks.
I glance at Kuya Nilo and his family. My money is enough for the renovation of the house and a mini-grocery from the sweat of my siblings who run it and some for a little Noche Buena.
“Four tickets, please!”
I never ask him anything – I don’t know what to. All I know is that I’m having the prime ride of my life going home, than Tito Fernan did, 8 years ago.
“What does Tatang Geraldo looked like, Aunt Thea?”
And I got my cutest niece beside me. Actually I’ve got a niece too and two nephews at home, but I feel a lot more different with Sarah.
When we finally took our land from that bus (which really seems like a long, long, ride), I guess I have come with a pleasant surprise. Just I foreseen, everyone couldn’t wait for their turn to hug that lost and found brother for ten consecutive years. My heart is flowing with joy for bringing the family together.
We enter the house with glee, not knowing that I’m bound to take another aback. I found the woman I’m looking for, busy in the kitchen. Ate Agatha and I looked at each other. We smiled.
“Nilo!” she exclaimed upon seeing him.
I came amidst that hug. Everyone can’t hold their tears. Nonetheless, I never miss such blast we had way back Tatang to his last march. It turned out, of course, to be a big family reunion. I went back to work as soon as that special occasion is through. I spend a couple of weeks vacation, but that seems to be the shortest span of time I had with my family.
But I’m telling you, I’m not perfect. Why the hell should I be? I broke a glass when I was five, a sizzling plate when I was at the bar, mistakenly put an iodize salt to a customer’s coffee and remember when I stroke a key and omitted Glenda’s file? The worst thing I did in this company when I became a regular copy writer is to put it on fire at the fifth, near the smoking area of that floor.
I am holding a box for Mr. Edmund’s delivery. I curiously opened it and that beautiful ring got in to that open cabinet as I slipped on the floor. I can’t wait to find the irresponsible someone who didn’t pick up the dirty spoon on the marble. Suddenly, I came to realize that divers won’t dive without a pool or a parachute. Damn! I’m really hurt!
As soon as I broke the gas tank’s cable thing upon reaching the ring at the bottom of the sink, I went out of the room, pulled the nearest emergency glass I saw and ask for help. That would be too late because an executive lit a butt…KAVUUM!
Good thing is, it didn’t explode that much as I though, because it nearly loses its load. After, I am looking at the unexplainable face on top of Mr. Buencamino! Perhaps, he just followed me because I had a very long time making his latte. Well, I was just in there for it
Mr. Buencamino looks after me the moment when I finally stepped to his working team. I got use on getting home in my new unit at early dawn because I have to finish a project. He would peep in my room and ask me to go home with him. Even at that hour, we dine in a 24 hour fast food chain we see. We never run out of stories, something to giggle and discuss about the things we do. And for the first time, I am telling him what a wonderful family I have (of course, leaving information about the damn woman after I told her she left!).
Sometimes I go with their family trip during weekends. And often times, I go out with Neomi – his youngest grandchild about my age. I would never forget that lovely smile the first time we’ve met, that I didn’t see in the eyes of Martha. And that would also be the first time I knew how could an elegant beautiful woman be so nice.
The manager and I have a tough project in the whole recent advertising history. It’s really hard to promote a simple soda. But it’s making the most in the market. And we continue to paint the mass with a smile. No matter how tough it is, we look at each other’s back – working, beating the odds and having fun.
“You never run out of ideas!” he compliments. “Tell me, in case I’ll be gone, how would you like that marble be?” he gave a pout on the one in his desk.
And why would he leave? For the past long years, I though that the curse had stopped the moment I stepped in Glenda’s home. I half smiled, though, something … something just pinch my hypothalamus. But I guess I just figure it out for him, having my 2 fingers at the right hand wave in the air upon telling him what it would be like at the bottom.
Months passed when I heard about that 65 year old man’s retirement. I flew to his room.
“At the end of this month!”
That confirmation echoed in my ear to deafness!
After three weeks, in a one particular morning, I am rushing to his room just like every time he called to set a new project. He gave me a present I never expected. There’s no occasion after all. She called Sheila, her secretary and gave it to her.
“It would be much better if she would open it for you, my grandest child!”
I’m trap into such enigma days before he leaves (and as much, breaks my heart thinking about it). That wrapped thing is quite heavy, alright, but why would a piece of cake be forbidden? It’s mine in the first place.
We’re in front of each other, minutes before the office closes - just starring to each other.
“Remember the setting?” he asks.
We are both sitting on a swivel chair, except his on the big one and I’m in that little I pulled when I applied.
“I never …” he’s holding his tears. “I didn’t expect that a lady I really don’t know would touch my life into such profoundness. I see you as an ordinary applicant before. But the moment we end up conversing, I did see such determination in your eyes. And I never...ever regret it!
And I would never feel sorry persisting myself in.
I stood as my mentor did. That embrace feels ecstasy. For the last time, I felt like a student – a friend – a daughter and a of course, a grandchild.
I go back to work next Monday morning. The desk is clear. It is now attached to the left side of the wall, making a slanting line across the door. The space beside it is provided for some extra papers, as well as the portfolio file stand – all empty.
Everything is so clear … clean. That makes it more brazen to my perspective.
I don’t want to miss the sight of that old man who molds me, so I put back that frame of his and of ours I saw in the drawer. I go to the window, pulled the string and up goes the blinds. I turn back as the door opens. Sheila is smiling. She brought a girl about my age when I first came in.
“Good morning!” the girl is hesitantly smiling.
“Same here. Please sit down!” pointing at the tiny swivel chair in front of the desk.
I told Sheila to take off the chair in front of each other and replace the chair I was seated on, 15 years ago.
“Nervous?” I asked.
“Yes!” she exclaimed.
“I am too … ‘Tis my first time”
She looks around the room as I start to review her resume.
She looked at that “Don’t Quit” frame I never rearranged. Then she looks at the person on the swivel chair.
Big humanity.
Firm of decade
With the authority.
And I’m definitely sure that she stopped panning at the marble, which Sheila had put on the desk minutes before my grandest friend and I walked out together for the last time.
All furnished medium-sized marble, thick and smooth. It has a carefully engraved name of pure italics. At the bottom, added the word “the” written in bold letters, all caps.
She puts a lovely grin as she reads it:
Florythea dela Cruz
THE MANAGER
…just as I stated.
